He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize