very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
