I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
