Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
