He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
