If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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