Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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