Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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