hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
