I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
