the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
