she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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