Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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