Soap is not a condiment
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
