I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
