She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Did I show you my penis last night?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
