Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
