Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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