I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
