a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
