OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
