It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
