How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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