Nicole vs. Life
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
