Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
organizing the empties. That sober.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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