please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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