Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
