I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Barsexuality is the new black.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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