I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
