how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
