ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
