my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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