Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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