I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize