she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
