Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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