Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize