I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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