I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
