I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
