are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
