I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize