I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
