did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
