i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
