okay pat passed out under dana's car
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize