Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
