Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think your dad took our porno
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
