Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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