i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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