the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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