I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize