i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
