Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Where is the hickey?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
