it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
