dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
