Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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