There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
