Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize