What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
