i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
