I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need water and some morals
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
