every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
