areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
her vagine was all disorganized.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
