The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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